I think about money these days. I drink water. I obsess about nanotechnology and try to listen to NPR news. I try to remain interested. If I had sold everything I own and put it into nanotechnology three months ago I would be up $150,000 today and my problems would all have dissolved themselves.
I drove by and saw the lights of the carnival. I did not expect a carnival there. I thought about going. I tried to get someone to go. I did not try very hard because I was tired. I went home and I thought about money. I regretted how much money I had lost and how hotly I wanted to get it made. How if I had really believed in this nanotechnology I would already be worth twice what I am – is it too late? Double or nothing, put it all on black – that’s how maybe I should have always played it. If it works I’ll be able to do it all right again. I’ll be able to sleep at night. But if not then I will be in some trouble.
My friend called me from the motel room. That motel is a dirty place. I have never stayed there though some night maybe I will like to. It is only $35 a night some nights. His room was yellow and he was watching boxing on cable. We didn’t have much to say but he was very wasted. I excused myself shortly and left. He said he was going to take the Greyhound north again to Tennessee and become a country music star.
It’s dumb luck I’m still in the running. At least I still have a few thousand dollars, and at least I have whats left of my health and prosperity. “You’re tearing me apart!” whenever anything happens or any thought comes up. I should quit and go back to a disciplined lifestyle. I am really hanging myself out on a line here. I hope it works out. It could go either way.