The True Life
He who considers himself an unbeliever will do works of love. And for works of love, all is forgiven.
I spent the evening memorizing the Lord’s Prayer. According to Tolstoy, it is the full teachings of Christ, made perfectly concise. I allow myself to believe it as I say it. I say it with sincerity and it affects the way I feel. I let myself be submerged by it. I can feel the light from within casting out against the sad, pressing blackness. All that is not good and of God is rinsed out of my spirit. The world becomes sacred, and the earth disappears. In that moment you are already dead, and you are living in a moment eternal. There will be no more significant moment than that.
“Our father, thou art in Heaven, hallowed by Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, in earth, as in on Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for Thine is the power, the glory, the kingdom, the eternal.”
I took up running again. A few minutes a day at first, walking, jogging. Every other day. Then every day. A few minutes jogging, a few minutes running. Within a month, I was really running again. As always, I suffered at first, but the eventual muscle growth seemed to help strengthen things. Some days it was a real pain, though, direct, and I had to stop moving and take a handful of pills. I could do anything if I could eat those pills all day. I could work a 12 hour day on a handful of pills. I could go out again. I could dance with someone beautiful. I could swim with my friends in the river. I could wait tables and generate income. I could go to med school and become a doctor. I could sit at my desk in the library every day and write poetry. I could be a doctor-poet. I could be anything. But I am none of those things. I am a weakling.
“Man is the son of the Father. God is the infinite spiritual source of life. May the Source of LIfe be held Holy. May His power be established over all men. May His will be fulfilled, as it is in himself, so also in the bodily life. The temporal life is the food of the True life. The true life is in the present. May the faults and errors from the past not hide the true life from us, and may they not lead us into delusion, so that no evil may come to us, and there shall be Order, and Strength, and Reason.” That is the meaning of the Lord’s Prayer, and those are the teachings of Christ, the son of God. According to The Gospel In Brief.
In a way, the true light of Christ is the greatest secret known to mankind, and yet it is available to each of us from the very beginning, and almost eminent, like a heavy gravitational pull, and immediately legible. It is something not even I can speak about; there is nothing to say, because there is no way, really, for them to understand me. Because it is not me, after all. It is the spirit, within all of us. And there is nothing to see.
“The kingdom of Heaven grows and spreads in the soul out of nothing, providing everything.”